Tootsie

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Tootsie is such a Bitch when she is on her period!
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Totally Tess Vacation There was a drawing for a free stay in Cabo San Lucas and our company card was pulled from the hat. We won! We left the week before Christmas. It was crazy, spontaneous, and a little out of the box for all four of us. My husband,our friends/business partners, and I were going to Mexico. Day 1 I had never been on a "tropical" vacation before. So EVERYTHING was new. I tried to act cool going through customs, but it was painfully obvious I was white. Plus, I kept nervously clutching my purse, not sure why? Oh, and to make matters worse, my husband and I were a little out of sync. We kept bumping into each other. I swear he elbowed me while boarding the hotel shuttle bus. What the eff? Anyway, by the time we got to the resort I had already tipped the scales of sensory overload and was now in full blown mania. Worst part is that I didn't even know it. It took me a good 3 days to calm the fuck down. Day 2 I have to admit waking up that first morning in Cab...
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November is nearly over, Thanksgiving is next week, my kids report cards are out, and where the hell is my period? It dawned on me while I was brushing my teeth and I started drooling, more than usual, and gagging, that I was late. I instantly felt myself up. Wait, why are my boobs so sore? Shit, they look bigger too. Then, a wave of nausea. All of a sudden I could smell the urine on the back of the toilet seat. I haven't felt this kind of barfy since my pregnancy with my youngest....7 years ago. Panic. I can't be preggers that's ridiculous. I paid good money to have a highly scientific contraption tucked deep in my darkest dungeon. No baby batter was going to reach my oven. So what if it was supposed to come out a year and a half ago, it's still working, my nurse practitioner told me so. After convincing myself I was not pregnant, I went about my day confident that my nipples will never have to suffer the wrath of a teeny-tiny, seemingly innocent suckling baby ...
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Random Notes About Me.

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1. I am often thought of as "athletic" which is an Urban Myth. Truth is, I have only one skill. I can run in a straight line for a long time(looking fairly normal) 2. I ran the fastfood circuit, Taco Bell when I was 15. Wendy's drive through when I was 16. 3. I once shoplifted a Bonnie Bell Lip gloss from Sears, was caught, arrested, and had a record for theft until I was 18. 4. When I was 14 I took alcohol from my parents liquor cabinet for me and my friends and let my older sister take the heat. I never confessed. To this day no one is the wiser. 5. My favorite all around food is Chardonnay. 6. I got into CSUS with a whopping score of 800 on my SAT's. 7. I was the president of SADD my senior year in highschool. Which is kinda funny. Sorta. 8. I used to play with Barbies, and make real food for them in my kitchen, and stuff it into the Barbie Dream House kitchen because I really thought Skipper was anorexic. 9. Nacho's. Need I say more. 10...
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