I had to go number 2 at Safeway

Typical day for me yesterday, drop off kids at school, laundry, pick up house, make a few phone calls, post my status on face book, blah blah blah,. After I picked up Lolly from school, I had to go the grocery store to get a few things for dinner. While I was filling my shopping cart I got the uninvited "gurgle". You know which gurgle I speak of. Its happened to all of us. You are out minding your own business and all of a sudden you feel as though hot lava is going to errupt from places you dont often like to think about. This gurgle is unmistakeable and it is the one that will literally stop you in your tracks. It forces the question, do I desecrate the Public bathroom here, or do I pollute my own bathroom where no one would be the wiser? It's a tough call, but not really. Most people don't like to poop in public, and I am like most people. So , I was feeling pretty confident in my bodily functions and decided to gamble, besides, I only needed two more things, and my house is right around the corner(like 2 min. awa). I could make it. With Lolly in the cart,I start to pick up my pace a bit. I get my final items and then hightail it to the checkout stand. I head straight for the shortest line. One woman ahead of me, good, I can make this, no problem. I get the gurgle again, and now I am feeling the pressure. I start to sweat a little. The checker is chatting with the woman. They try to include me but all I can do is smile nervously. The checker scans her last item, and yep, out from the purse comes her checkbook. I start to panic. people are behind me in line now, I started to seriously regret my decision, but I had already unloaded all my items on the conveyor belt. I watched while she slowly wrote her check. I had gone pale by this point, all the blood was in the lower region of my body. I am now in complete fear, my armpits are sweating, palms moist, and I am clenching the cheeks(both sets).Finally, my turn. 15 items to scan. I pull out my debit card and slide it through the machine so I could save 3 seconds. Every second counted at this point. He stopped momentarily to look up the Belgium Endive I had baught, sucker didn't even know what the hell it was. And then, I kid you not, with half my items scanned the manager comes over to the checker and gives him a tie to put on. My Butt was burning at this point. Legs crossed, biting my lower lip. Luckily for me he opted out of putting it on and proceeded to ring me up. He was talking to me and all I could do was nod and smile for fear of defacating myself in public. I mean, dont get me wrong, I have done many many embarrassing things in public before, but never ever have I had an "accident". At this point I started to lose my hearing, I could only see his lips flapping. Tick tick tick. Finally, he was done, and I kid you not, he says oh you just won a $25 Arco Gas card! People in line were happy for me, with the recession and all. Little did they know they were about to get gassed in a really really bad way by my exploding butt. So he tells me to punch in my safeway card number, and I oblige because, well frankly, I was panicked, and not thinking clearly. I grab my free gas card and receipt, and with LOlly still in the cart & my groceries all bagged, I turn towards the door and start to run! Lolly is like Mommy what are you doing? I told her, Lolly ,Mommy has to go to the bathroom real bad. I literally throw my bags in my Volvo, get Lolly in backseat(screw the seatbelt), jump in the front seat and put the pedal to the metal. I was probably doing about 25 MPH, which is pretty fast considering I was still in the parking lot. I am now making deals with God. Dear God please don't let me crap myself, I promise I will be a better wife. That kind of stuff. I pull into the driveway, slam on the brakes, garage door was already open because I had been rapid fire trigger fingering it from a block away. I pull the e-brake, jump out of the car and it's go time. I am in a full sprint at this point. I fling open the door(scared the crap out of my dog) and plant my eyes on the bathroom door. Think CHariots of fire. Everything was moving in slow motion. I couldn't even feel my feet. I get to the bathroom and just like magic, well, I will spare you the next event. let's just say it was a combination of the 4th of July and Christmas morning. Whoooo, I made it. I wash my hands, dry them off and call for Lolly. No answer. LOlly, where are you ?? no answer. I go out to the garage and there she was still sitting in the car. Mommy did you go poop? Yes, honey, mommy went poop. Lesson learned....always go number 2 at Safeway.