November is nearly over, Thanksgiving is next week, my kids report cards are out, and where the hell is my period? It dawned on me while I was brushing my teeth and I started drooling, more than usual, and gagging, that I was late. I instantly felt myself up. Wait, why are my boobs so sore? Shit, they look bigger too. Then, a wave of nausea. All of a sudden I could smell the urine on the back of the toilet seat. I haven't felt this kind of barfy since my pregnancy with my youngest....7 years ago. Panic. I can't be preggers that's ridiculous. I paid good money to have a highly scientific contraption tucked deep in my darkest dungeon. No baby batter was going to reach my oven. So what if it was supposed to come out a year and a half ago, it's still working, my nurse practitioner told me so. After convincing myself I was not pregnant, I went about my day confident that my nipples will never have to suffer the wrath of a teeny-tiny, seemingly innocent suckling baby ...
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