Totally Tess

 

  Tootsie is such a Bitch when she is on her period!

1. I am often thought of as "athletic" which is an Urban Myth. Truth is, I have only one skill. I can run in a straight line for a long time(looking fairly normal) 2. I ran the fastfood circuit, Taco Bell when I was 15. Wendy's drive through when I was 16. 3. I once shoplifted a Bonnie Bell Lip gloss from Sears, was caught, arrested, and had a record for theft until I was 18. 4. When I was 14 I took alcohol from my parents liquor cabinet for me and my friends and let my older sister take the heat. I never confessed. To this day no one is the wiser. 5. My favorite all around food is Chardonnay. 6. I got into CSUS with a whopping score of 800 on my SAT's. 7. I was the president of SADD my senior year in highschool. Which is kinda funny. Sorta. 8. I used to play with Barbies, and make real food for them in my kitchen, and stuff it into the Barbie Dream House kitchen because I really thought Skipper was anorexic. 9. Nacho's. Need I say more. 10...

This is Totally Tess. My friend called the other day and said I am re-thinking my Birth Control method and I am considering an IUD. Since you have one, I wanted to get your advice. She obviously thought I was an authority on the topic, silly really. However, I was in fact currently sporting that little anchor inside my body, plus, I knew a handful(none) of others with one. I went straight into an IUD mini-terets syndrome episode. I love my IUD! It's the best. Crotch, Titty-ball, suck sack, shit. Nipple. Done. Uh, Actually, here is what I told her. Picture the smallest Anchor ever, seriously like 5 cm; Its also been compared to the popular Alphabet Capital letter "T", pick whatever visual works for you. So , they insert this anchor into your vaginal walls, through the cervix, and bee line straight for Planet Uterus. Once implanted, this little Nautical accessory not only prevents little swimmers from entering the falopian tubes, it also, thins your mucus wall, bonus! Plus,...

Typical day for me yesterday, drop off kids at school, laundry, pick up house, make a few phone calls, post my status on face book, blah blah blah,. After I picked up Lolly from school, I had to go the grocery store to get a few things for dinner. While I was filling my shopping cart I got the uninvited "gurgle". You know which gurgle I speak of. Its happened to all of us. You are out minding your own business and all of a sudden you feel as though hot lava is going to errupt from places you dont often like to think about. This gurgle is unmistakeable and it is the one that will literally stop you in your tracks. It forces the question, do I desecrate the Public bathroom here, or do I pollute my own bathroom where no one would be the wiser? It's a tough call, but not really. Most people don't like to poop in public, and I am like most people. So , I was feeling pretty confident in my bodily functions and decided to gamble, besides, I only needed two more things, and m...